65 Funny Birthday Quotes On Success In Life

These funny birthday quotes will inspire you. Birthdays should always be happily spent and create fond memories.

Below you will find a collection of motivating, happy, and encouraging funny birthday quotes, funny birthday sayings, and funny birthday proverbs.

Best Funny Birthday Quotes

  1. “May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.” ~ Frank Sinatra
  2. “After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.” ~ Bette Midler
  3. “Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same.” ~ Audrey Hepburn
  4. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~ Mark Twain

  5. “Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” ~ Maurice Chevalier
  6. “A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” ~ Robert Frost
  7. “Pie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone’s drunk in the kitchen.” ~ Jim Gaffigan
  8. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese” ~ Luis Bunuel

  9. “It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.” ~ Ellen Glasgow
  10. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” ~ Lucille Ball
  11. “When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.” ~ Mark Twain
  12. “Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” ~ Dr. Seuss

  13. “When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.” ~ Steven Wright
  14. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” ~ Bob Hope
  15. “The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.” ~ Oscar Wilde
  16. “Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.” ~ Jean Paul

  17. “There must be a day or two in a man’s life when he is the precise age for something important.” ~ Franklin P. Adams
  18. “Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.” ~ Arthur Schopenhauer
  19. “Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.” ~ Sammy Hagar
  20. “A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.” ~ Muhammad Ali

  21. “You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.” ~ Germaine Greer
  22. “The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” ~ George Eliot
  23. “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
  24. “I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” ~ Phyllis Diller

  25. “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.'” ~ Jerry Seinfeld
  26. “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” ~ Gracie Allen
  27. “The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.” ~ Pope Paul VI
  28. “Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven’t committed.” ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

  29. “Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” ~ Dorothy Parker
  30. “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” ~ Tom Wilson
  31. “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” ~ Norman Wisdom
  32. “Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.” ~ Mary Schmich

  33. “Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.” ~ H. H. Asquith
  34. “They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.” ~ Malcolm Cowley
  35. “A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” ~ Erma Bombeck , Funny birthday quotes for friends
  36. “Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don’t really know.” ~ Andy Borowitz

  37. “At times is it seems that I am living my life backward, and that at the approach of old age my real youth will begin. My soul was born covered with wrinkles. Wrinkles my ancestors and parents most assiduously put there and that I had the greatest trouble removing.” ~ Andre Gide
  38. “Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” ~ Pope John XXIII
  39. “I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.” ~ Eva Gabor
  40. “Your True Nature Is Love. There’s Nothing You Can Do About It.” ~ Byron Katie

  41. “May you live all the days of your life.” ~ Jonathan Swift
  42. “For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.” ~ Steven Wright
  43. “Time and tide wait for no man.” ~ Geoffrey Chaucer
  44. “Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.” ~ Robert Frost

  45. “Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~ Jack Benny
  46. “All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.” ~ George Harrison
  47. “There is still no cure for the common birthday.” ~ John Glenn
  48. “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” ~ Herbert V. Prochnow

  49. “The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.” ~ Robert Orben
  50. “If you’re not getting older, you’re dead.” ~ Tom Petty
  51. “Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” ~ C. E. M. Joad
  52. “Old age is not for sissies.” ~ Malcolm Forbes

  53. “God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.” ~ Voltaire
  54. “You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and you are looking wonderful.” ~ Francis Spellman
  55. “If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.” ~ Euripides
  56. “People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” ~ George Burns

  57. “Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
  58. “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” ~ Ogden Nash
  59. “Today you are you! That is truer than true!” ~ Dr. Seuss
  60. “I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.'” ~ Steven Wright

  61. “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” ~ Johnny Carson
  62. “Whatever with the past has gone, The best is always yet to come.” ~ Lucy Larcom
  63. “One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.” ~ Oscar Wilde

  64. “Live as long as you may, the first twenty years are the longest half of your life.” ~ Robert Southey
  65. “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Comment Your Favorite Funny Birthday Quotes Below!

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