50 Red Skelton Quotes On Success In Life

Richard Red Skelton was an American entertainer best known for his national radio and television shows between 1937 and 1971, especially as host of the television program The Red Skelton Show. He has stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for his work in radio and television and also appeared in burlesque, vaudeville, films, nightclubs, and casinos, all while he pursued an entirely separate career as an artist. These Red Skelton quotes will motivate you.

Best Red Skelton Quotes

  1. “I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always” ~ Red Skelton
  2. “All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” ~ Red Skelton
  3. “There are three signs of old age: loss of memory … I forget the other two.” ~ Red Skelton
  4. “I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose — to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.” ~ Red Skelton
  5. “Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.” ~ Red Skelton

  6. “Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.” ~ Red Skelton
  7. “I’ve put on a lot of weight… I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.” ~ Red Skelton
  8. “Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.” ~ Red Skelton
  9. “I don’t hate my enemies. After all, I made ’em.” ~ Red Skelton
  10. “Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.” ~ Red Skelton
  11. “People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.” ~ Red Skelton
  12. “If by chance some day you’re not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I’ve said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.” ~ Red Skelton
  13. “My doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled.” ~ Red Skelton

  14. “Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” ~ Red Skelton
  15. “No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.” ~ Red Skelton
  16. “I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said. So I suggested the kitchen.” ~ Red Skelton
  17. “She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off” ~ Red Skelton
  18. “I don’t need glasses, but I’ve just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.” ~ Red Skelton

  19. “A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, ‘I’ve been going for three months. ‘ I said, ‘How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?’ He said, ‘All of them. ‘” ~ Red Skelton
  20. “Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce” ~ Red Skelton
  21. “I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.” ~ Red Skelton
  22. “I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin” ~ Red Skelton
  23. “Congress: Bingo with billions.” ~ Red Skelton

  24. “Today’s comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They’re shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.” ~ Red Skelton
  25. “I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it.” ~ Red Skelton
  26. “I won’t mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn’t heard.” ~ Red Skelton
  27. “We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas” ~ Red Skelton
  28. “She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.” ~ Red Skelton
  29. “Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap” ~ Red Skelton
  30. “I don’t pick on politicians. They ain’t done nothin’.” ~ Red Skelton

  31. “I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn’t making money, they’d put me away.” ~ Red Skelton
  32. “I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.” ~ Red Skelton
  33. “Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.” ~ Red Skelton
  34. “God’s children and their happiness are my reasons for being.” ~ Red Skelton
  35. “Imitation isn’t the sincerest form of flattery – it’s plagiarism.” ~ Red Skelton

  36. “I’m nuts and I know it. But so long as I make ’em laugh, they ain’t going to lock me up.” ~ Red Skelton
  37. “I’d have avoided some of the pain if I could. Anyone would. But I wouldn’t have missed knowing any of the people-even the ones whose leaving hurt most. In fact, the only thing I’m sorry about is that I didn’t meet one particular guy, a clown named Joe Skelton. You know, he sure picked the right profession. I mean, a clown’s got it all. He never has to hold back: He can do as he pleases. The mouth and the eyes are painted on. So if you wanta cry, you can go right ahead. The make up won’t smear. You’ll still be smiling. . . .” ~ Red Skelton
  38. “If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.” ~ Red Skelton

  39. “I just want to be known as a clown because to me, that’s the height of my profession. It means you can do everything – sing, dance and, above all, make people laugh.” ~ Red Skelton
  40. “You know how to tell when you’re getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.” ~ Red Skelton
  41. “Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.” ~ Red Skelton
  42. “You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.” ~ Red Skelton
  43. “Wouldn’t it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?” ~ Red Skelton

  44. “When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the garden – for sky, wind, fire, water, and earth. We sit and think of five of the nicest things we can about the person who hurt us. If he hurts us a second time, we do the same thing. The third time, we light a candle, and he is, for us, dead.” ~ Red Skelton Quotes
  45. “When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the garden – for sky, wind, fire, water, and earth. We sit and think of five of the nicest things we can about the person who hurt us. If he hurts us a second time, we do the same thing. The third time, we light a candle, and he is, for us, dead.” ~ Red Skelton
  46. Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.” ~ Red Skelton

  47. “It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they’ll come out for it.” ~ Red Skelton
  48. “I left home because I was hungry.” ~ Red Skelton
  49. “I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.” ~ Red Skelton
  50. Mom used to say I didn’t run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.” ~ Red Skelton

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