65 Larry the Cable Guy Quotes On Success In Life

Larry the Cable Guy, is an American stand-up comedian, with a career spanning over 30 years. He was one of the members of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe that included Bill Engvall, Ron White, and Jeff Foxworthy (with whom he has starred on Blue Collar TV). These Larry the Cable Guy quotes will motivate you.

Best Larry the Cable Guy Quotes

  1. “I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset ’cause he slept with his third cousin. And I’m like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin’ them!” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  2. “I was madder than a midget with a yo-yo” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  3. “I’m happier than a tornado in a trailer park.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  4. “Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  5. “Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying, with bad jokes, that Cajuns aren’t smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city
    5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats who can’t swim is a genius.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  6. “Sometimes you’ve gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  7. “I’m on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That’s a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver’s license.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  8. “He who laughs last, thinks slowest.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  9. “Remember, half the people you know are below average.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  10. “I saw a sign one time that said ‘hemorrhoids awareness week’ at the doctor’s office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I’m sure you are aware of it. You don’t need a sign to tell anybody about it.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  11. “You learn a lot though when you have kids, I’ll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you’re not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  12. “I am called to love my neighbor, which I do. I can disagree with my neighbor about several things, but I’m not going to hate my neighbor. It’s not up to me to hate anybody. It’s not up to me to judge anyone. It’s up to me to be nice, to be kind and to do everything I can to help somebody.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  13. “Guns don’t kill people, husbands who come home early from work kill people” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  14. “Sanford is a little redneck town north of Orlando. It’s right off Lake Jessup.Lake Jessup is the most alligator infested lake in the United States and I live literally 5/10ths of a mile north of that lake right off the swamp down here. I’ve lived here since ’94. When I left Nebraska my dad got a job at a private Christian school in West Palm Beach. People will say “You’re not really a country boy. You’re from Palm Beach, Florida.” Well, I moved to West Palm Beach, FL which is a far cry from Palm Beach, FL. There’s a reason it’s called West Palm Beach.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  15. “If guns kill people, I can blame misspelled words on my pencil.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  16. “Bought a pair of boots the other day, and they was some silicone gel in there. Big red letters said, “Do not eat.” Do they really need that stuff in them boots? Is there really some dude opening a pair of boots goin’, “Boy, look at them boots. What the hell? I better eat that. I don’t know what the hell that is.”” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  17. “Its nice if people can finally loosen up a little bit and just go out laugh at silliness. I mean, people take themselves way too seriously sometimes.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  18. “I disagree with a lot of things, but hey, what a person does is between them and their maker. I can disagree with somebody, and I can still be friends with them.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  19. “I love Walmart. I consider my jokes to be very juvenile. Stuff a 14-year-old would laugh at because that’s the sence of humor I have. All the stuff I talk about may not be appropriate for church groups however wal-mart aint Sunday school. As long as I didn’t use offensive foul language I knew id be fine. Wal-mart gets it, thats why they blow away the competition. Besides its there store they can do what they want. That’s America baby!” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  20. “There’s the old joke, “What’s the difference between country and redneck? Well, that’s three hundred dollars.”” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  21. “I always have done well however in blue states and red states. I’ve never really aligned myself with all that red state blue state dr. Suess crap because were all Americans and we all like to laugh.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  22. “The fact that my dad is a preacher has nothing to do with anything. He probably wouldn’t agree with some of my material but then again there’s no sign on my comedy event that says “Revival here tonight”. I’m sure God has more important things to do than go to my 8 o’clock Omaha show. The show is the show and church is church.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  23. “I don’t hate anybody. My character is one thing, but me as an individual is completely different.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  24. “I follow the baseball team on the Internet more than I do the football team. Generally you can get a Nebraska game anywhere. Before I started doing big arenas and stuff and had a tour bus when I was just working comedy clubs way back when I would always listen to the games in my hotel room on the Internet.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  25. “I’m saying, come on, the global warming thing? How did the ice melt during the ice ages? Was the dinosaurs driving SUVs around back then?” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  26. “I love the comedy clubs and the closeness of the crowd. However, the more ya do the big rooms they start to become your home as well and you adjust to the surroundings. I love them both. I miss the clubs but that’s what ya work for to do the big rooms!” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  27. “The only good thing is my fans like me and come to see me and that’s all that matters. Everybody else can kiss my ass. If they don’t like my political incorrectness then they can keep their uptight p c ass away from my show. It’s that easy.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  28. “We try to make the name longer and longer every year. First, it was ‘Larry the Cable Guy’s Christmas Spectacular.’ Then it was ‘It’s a Very Larry Christmas.’ Now it’s ‘Larry the Cable Guy’s Hula-palooza Christmas Luau.’ I’ll tell you what it is: It’s funny. That’s what it is. Who cares what the name of it is? It is a funny special.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  29. “I enjoy hunting, but if I had my choice to go deer hunting or bass fishing, I’d take bass fishing any day of the week. I enjoy both of them, but yeah, I’m a very outdoorsy guy.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  30. “I don’t judge people by their accent, or how they word things, or how grammatically correct their speech is. Some of the smartest men in the world couldn’t spell. I judge a person by their character.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  31. “I’ve been fortunate, I’ve been blessed, and I attribute my success to all my fans. People want to do things with you when you have a big fan base, and I have a great fan base.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  32. “I was scared into being good. But I’m sure I did regular kid stuff.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  33. “I’ve always thought if you don’t like what somebody says, don’t hang out with that person. Why do you have to complain about it? Here’s the thing. I don’t hang out with, and I’m not friends with anybody that would offend me or I think offends me or lives a different way than I do.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  34. “I know I don’t want to take the Lord’s name in vain, and I don’t want to drop any F-bombs.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  35. “I’m always wearing a Nebraska hat. Most of the time I’m wearing something that’s got a Husker something on it. I make sure I have it on TV but I have it regularly.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  36. “When I look at my audience, I can tell better who’s in the crowd and the kind of joke I shouldn’t do. It’s just complicated. I guess I sift through to make sure these jokes are a little different with not such a harsh edge to them. That’s pretty much how I handle the crowd.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  37. “I was born and raised in Pawnee City, Nebraska. I lived right next to the sale barn and I raised pigs. My dad was a guidance counselor at Wymore High School. He was also a preacher and did farming as well. We leased out our cropland but had cattle and horses.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  38. “I can’t live without it. I’m on HuskerPedia™ every day.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  39. “My dad was a non-denominational preacher, actually a Congregationalist which is really where all congregations come to congregate. That’s why it’s called a Congregationalist. Later on in life, he just became a non-denominational preacher, kind of a fire and brimstone type guy. That’s how I grew up.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy quotes
  40. “I hate flying. I’m not a big fan of flying at all so everywhere I go I go by tour bus. If I have to fly I will but I’m not a big fan of it.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  41. “I have thick skin. I’m not a baby. Nothing really offends me. If there’s something I think might offend me, I don’t listen to it.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  42. “I get so sick and tired of Wikipedia. People write their own crap on there.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  43. “When I started doing my act, I wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. I was probably 29 years old. Some people say that’s not a kid, but when you’re 50, and you look back to when you were 30, you were a kid. You look back on your 30s and think, “I was an idiot!” But I would just do things then I thought were funny. I couldn’t have cared less who thought anything about it.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  44. “I was obsessed with livestock barns, cattle and hogs. I still love that, and I still do that as a hobby.So I’m a strange person.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  45. “When you’re married with kids, you just think differently.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy quotes
  46. “I have a basic theorem as to how I do my jokes. Growing up, I knew when to cross the line and when not to cross the line. It’s the same with my comedy. I know what my audience will take and how much they won’t take. I can’t give you a formula for it. It’s my own personal formula inside my head. Somebody else’s might be different.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  47. “I think everybody is entitled to say whatever they want. I’m not going to call for anybody to be fired. That’s not what America is all about.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  48. “Living in a small town you couldn’t go anywhere on a Saturday where a store had the game on. If you were downtown you heard the game. If you were at the gas station you heard the game. I remember I would be mowing the lawn and I would stop for the Nebraska game. I would have it cranking outside.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  49. “People always ask my mom what I did as a kid. My mom says, “He wasn’t a bad kid. He was never an unruly kid, always listened and obeyed.”” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  50. “Some guy came up to me with his kids, ages probably 10 and 12, and said that the reason he likes me is because he sat through an hour and twenty-minute show, and I didn’t cuss one time. So it just really depends.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  51. “I don’t take myself too seriously. I enjoy what I do. I enjoy making people laugh.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  52. “I can have different opinions with anybody. I can still be a friend with that person.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  53. “There’s nothing better than a Nebraska summer so I wanted to live there in the summer time and visit my family and go to as many Nebraska games as I could.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  54. “I was pretty subdued [as a kid ] because I didn’t want to get spanked, and I didn’t want to go to Hell.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  55. “I’ve been down in Florida since 1979. When you’re born in Nebraska you really can’t explain it.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  56. “I’m more of a rodeo type guy.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  57. “As I get older, the character evolves tremendously because I’m married and have kids now and realize certain things are not funny anymore. I threw them out of my act.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  58. “I don’t know why people get so bent out of shape over stuff people say.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  59. I could care less about critics, like i said they dont buy tickets.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  60. “I think probably one of the coolest things was when I went to play basketball at Rucker Park in Harlem. First of all, who would think that Larry the Cable Guy would go to Harlem to play basketball? And I was received like a rock star. It was amazing! There were people everywhere. There were guys walking by yelling, Git r done!” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  61. “I don’t have a lot of recreation time. I’ve always been under the assumption that if you’re selling tickets you need to work. The kind of success that’s happened to me maybe only happens to one comedian every twenty years and so I’m on the road constantly.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  62. “I think it’s cool that other crowds like what I do. However, i have always had a good mix of people at my shows. I started doing things on radio on rock markets and alternative markets. I have been a country-type act however I started with the rock market. I m very interchangeable.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  63. “I don’t do my show for critics. Early on I did because I’m a nice guy and I like to be liked by everybody, and I thought, “Hey, I’m just making people laugh, what’s the big deal?” There have been all different types of comics that appeal to all different types of people. Why rail on me? But yeah, they really don’t like Southern acts.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
  64. “I grew up in the middle of nowhere and have always had a friend or 2 that talked  with the  southern accent.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

  65. “I was always getting in trouble because I was the class clown but I always made teacher laugh. I remember I thought I was going to fail that class but I ended up passing it and I really think it was only because I was good entertainment for her.” ~ Larry the Cable Guy

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