65 Funny Work Quotes On Success In Life

These funny work quotes will inspire you. Work should be a healthy, lively place where you can enjoy the work you do. No Monday Blues!!

Below you will find a collection of motivating, happy, and encouraging funny work quotes, funny work sayings, and funny work proverbs.

Best Funny Work Quotes

1. “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.'” ~ Dave Barry
2. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ~ Jerome K. Jerome
3. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” ~ Steven Wright

4. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ~ Charles Lamb

5. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” ~ Don Herold
6. “Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” ~ Ed Bernard
7. “It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

8. “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” ~ Will Rogers

9. “I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” ~ Rita Rudner
10. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” ~ Joe Girard
11. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” ~ Robert Frost , Funny work quotes office

12. “One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” ~ Bertrand Russell

13. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” ~ Don Marquis
14. “When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you’re rich. If your name is on your desk, you’re middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.” ~ Rich Hall
15. “No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.” ~ Groucho Marx

16. “Entrepreneurs are willing to work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours a week.” ~ Lori Greiner

17. “Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” ~ Sam Ewing
18. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” ~ Vince Lombardi
19. “If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.” ~ Lane Kirkland

20. “They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” ~ Joseph Addison

21. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” ~ Thomas A. Edison
22. “I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week.” ~ Vince McMahon
23. “People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” ~ Ogden Nash

24. “Work is against human nature.  The proof is that it makes us tired.” ~ Michel Tournier

25. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” ~ Robert Frost
26. “Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” ~ Al Capp
27. “I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.” ~ Stephen Colbert

28. “The best way to enjoy your job is to imagine yourself without one.” ~ Oscar Wilde

29. “Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” ~ Matt Groening
30. “If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.” ~ Scott Adams , Funny work quotes ideas
31. “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” ~ Peter Drucker

32. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” ~ Edgar Bergen

33. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” ~ Claude Maxwell MacDonald
34. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” ~ Milan Kundera
35. “It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” ~ William Faulkner

36. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” ~ Les Dawson

37. “A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.” ~ Jay London
38. “In the early days, all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there’s no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities.” ~ Les Claypool
39. “It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.” ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

40. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” ~ Steven Wright

41. “Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.” ~ Robert Benchley
42. “After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld
43. “The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.” ~ Wernher von Braun

44. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

45. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” ~ Kin Hubbard
46. “It might be said that it is the ideal of the employer to have production without employees and the ideal of the employee is to have income without work.” ~ E. F. Schumacher
47. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” ~ Ronald Reagan

48. “There’s not a single job in this town. There’s nothin’, nada, zip. Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.” ~ Jeff Daniels

49. “Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I’m being held.” ~ Randy Glasbergen
50. “He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.” ~ Don Marquis
51. “People don’t think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationery store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld

52. “All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.” ~ Aristotle

53. “I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.” ~ Lily Tomlin
54. “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” ~ Woody Allen
55. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then drag racing isn’t for you.” ~ Christopher Titus

56. “Labor Day is a holiday honoring those who work for a living. Laborious Day is a lesser-known holiday honoring those who cannot stop talking about their work.” ~ Daniel Handler

57. “I’ve been promoted to middle management. I never thought I’d sink so low.” ~ Tim Gould
58. “When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.” ~ Helen Rowland
59. “Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.” ~ Laurence J. Peter

60. “Most people like hard work, particularly when they’re paying for it.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

61. “A good rule of thumb is if you’ve made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you’ve probably made a serious vocational error.” ~ Dennis Miller
62. “There’s a fine line between marketing and grand theft.” ~ Scott Adams

63. “The best way to appreciate your job is to, is here to stay.” ~ Oscar Wilde

64. “You should never protest outside a rich guy’s home during the day because he’s not there. He’s at work grinding the faces of the poor.” ~ Craig Ferguson
65. “No one’s dream job involves a kiosk.” ~ Damien Fahey

Comment Your Favorite Funny Work Quotes Below!