64 Andy Rooney Quotes On Aging, Life, Happiness

Andrew Aitken Rooney was an American radio and television writer who was best known for his weekly broadcast “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney”, a part of the CBS News program 60 Minutes from 1978 to 2011. His final regular appearance on 60 Minutes aired on October 2, 2011; he died a month later at the age of 92. These Andy Rooney quotes will motivate you.

Best Andy Rooney Quotes

  1. “Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.” ~ Andy Rooney
  2. “I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people’s idea of patriotism is hating other countries.” ~ Andy Rooney”I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you… More” ~ Andy Rooney
  3. “I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you… More” ~ Andy Rooney
  4. “People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.” ~ Andy Rooney
  5. “If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.” ~ Andy Rooney
  6. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” ~ Andy Rooney

  7. “Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”, here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!” ~ Andy Rooney
  8. “Small daily happenings make life spectacular…. start enjoying the small things in life!” ~ Andy Rooney , Andy Rooney quotes on life
  9. “I’ve learned… that just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.” ~ Andy Rooney
  10. “Being kind is more important than being right.” ~ Andy Rooney

  11. “I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.” ~ Andy Rooney
  12. “I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.” ~ Andy Rooney
  13. “Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they’ve done a good thing, too, and are more satisfied with themselves than most people are. Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.” ~ Andy Rooney
  14. “Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they’ve done a good thing, too, and are more satisfied with themselves than most people are. Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.” ~ Andy Rooney
  15. “Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.” ~ Andy Rooney
  16. “I’ve learned …. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.” ~ Andy Rooney

  17. “If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you’re not going to be happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.” ~ Andy Rooney
  18. “Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.” ~ Andy Rooney , Andy Rooney quotes on happiness
  19. “I’ve learned …. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.” ~ Andy Rooney
  20. “I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.” ~ Andy Rooney
  21. “Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.” ~ Andy Rooney

  22. “Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.” ~ Andy Rooney
  23. “A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?”. She doesn’t care what you think.” ~ Andy Rooney
  24. “I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.” ~ Andy Rooney
  25. “I’ve learned… That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.” ~ Andy Rooney
  26. “The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.” ~ Andy Rooney
  27. “The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!” ~ Andy Rooney
  28. “I’ve learned… That love, not time, heals all wounds.” ~ Andy Rooney

  29. “Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren’t distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels…I write, “Could you throw this away for me?”” ~ Andy Rooney
  30. “I understand shipping – you have to expect to pay for the stamps or for the freight company – but what’s this handling they always have? How much does handling cost, anyway? I don’t want a lot of people handling something I’m going to buy before I get it. How much would it cost if you didn’t handle it before you sent it to me?” ~ Andy Rooney
  31. “If I’d known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can’t remember a single project I would have started.” ~ Andy Rooney
  32. “Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know where the time goes.” It goes the same place it’s always gone and no one has ever known where that is.” ~ Andy Rooney
  33. “When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.” ~ Andy Rooney
  34. “I’ve learned… that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.” ~ Andy Rooney

  35. “Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can’t help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, “How can he want me the way I look in the morning?” It’s because we can’t see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.” ~ Andy Rooney
  36. “It’s paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” ~ Andy Rooney
  37. “Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.” ~ Andy Rooney
  38. “I’ve learned… That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.” ~ Andy Rooney

  39. “I’ve learned… That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.” ~ Andy Rooney
  40. “the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.” ~ Andy Rooney
  41. “I can’t choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it.” ~ Andy Rooney
  42. “I’ve learned… That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.” ~ Andy Rooney
  43. “Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.” ~ Andy Rooney
  44. “I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher.” ~ Andy Rooney

  45. “Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion – as long as it agrees with ours.” ~ Andy Rooney
  46. “I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you — the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what’s wrong and try to make it better. That’s what a patriotic American does.” ~ Andy Rooney
  47. “Why am I an atheist? I ask you: Why is anybody not an atheist? Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated. I resent anyone pushing their religion on me. I don’t push my atheism on anybody else. Live and let live. Not many people practice that when it comes to religion.” ~ Andy Rooney
  48. “Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.” ~ Andy Rooney
  49. “Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.” ~ Andy Rooney
  50. “I’ve learned… That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.” ~ Andy Rooney
  51. “I’ve learned… That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.” ~ Andy Rooney

  52. “I’m always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.” ~ Andy Rooney
  53. “Unfortunately, propaganda works.” ~ Andy Rooney
  54. “I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.” ~ Andy Rooney
  55. “I’ve learned… That money doesn’t buy class.” ~ Andy Rooney

  56. “Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than others” ~ Andy Rooney , Andy Rooney quotes on aging
  57. “Republicans … are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They think that if we admit that we have selfish, acquisitive natures and then set out to get all we can for ourselves by working hard for it, that things will be better for everyone. They are not insensitive to the poor, but tend to think the poor are impoverished because they won’t work. They think there would be fewer of them to feel sorry for if the government did not encourage the proliferation of the least fit among us with welfare programs.” ~ Andy Rooney
  58. “My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, “Married!” and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it’s hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.” ~ Andy Rooney
  59. “Most of us aren’t that interested in getting rich- we just don’t want to get poor.” ~ Andy Rooney

  60. “Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]….We’re trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn’t make so many people in the world want to kill us.” ~ Andy Rooney
  61. “I’ve learned that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.” ~ Andy Rooney
  62. “Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.” ~ Andy Rooney
  63. “Death is a distant rumor to the young.” ~ Andy Rooney
  64. Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.” ~ Andy Rooney

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